Sabi nila Gay folks are good in words, writing, composing... traits that are related to us people who are part of the so called third sex... pero hindi yata ako na ambunan ng galing sa pagsusulat, I'm not even a good speaker, my communication skills sucks. In short para lang akong isang gumamela na magandang tignan pero walang bango. Atleast maganda ako he he he.... walang kokontra.
Being Gay is hard, Ayaw ko ngang gamitin ang salitang gay, bakla,bayot, bading para kasing deragatory term ito to belittle a person, parang panlalait sa isang bagay na hindi mo naman hiningi. Ever since pagkabata lagi na lang nila akong binabansagan na bakla ( I tried to write that sentence in english para naman impressive pero di kinaya ng powers ko). I feel bad lagi kong gustong umiyak, for me being bakla is being weak, helpless isama mo pa ung image ni roderick paulate doing drag at aatungal na talaga ako sa iyak. I've never tried to be masculine, In fact I accepted my weaknesses, lampa talaga ako pagdating sa pisikal. Ni-minsan hindi ko sinubukang makipag suntukan, ganon ata talaga... wala na akong magagawa don. A few years past by at nag highschool ako, don ko mas lalong narealize ang kaibahan ko sa ibang tao both girls and boys... Minsan feel kong maging girl, minsan feel ko ding maging boy... he he he ang kulit no? Dito sa puntong to ng buhay nagsimulang mamuo ang takot sa puso ko, Natakot ako kasi baka hindi ako maaccept ng mga tao sa paligid ko. I tried to fight my feelings, everytime that I would see my crush back then, I would imagine flying daggers going straight to my heart to kill the emotions, this "abnormal" emotions na nararamdaman ko. It works mentally, hanggang sa dumating ung point na pakiramdam ko asexual na ako, kasi I don't find attractions to both sexes na, that's when I decided na It's better this way...
Ayaw kong bigyan ng kahihiyan ang sarili ko at higit sa lahat ang pamilya, although never naman silang naging 100% para suportahan ako, sasabihin nila they care for me, I believe that they really mean it but due to circumstances na pinilit ko na lang intindihin hindi ko na sila masisisi. Siguro ngayon masasabi ko na ako ang nag alaga sa sarili ko all my life, all the values, morals and ethics that I have right now I owe it to myself, experience is a bitter teacher I have to learn everything the hard way... Im thankful, pero sometimes na isip ko na sana may easier way,. parang pagiging gay sana madali...
College life, I started to change, nagsuot na ko ng maskara by this time kailangan kong ikubli ang sarili ko until makatapos ako go to some far away land at iladlad kung anumang kalandian at kabaklaan meron ako... gusto kong maging AKO!!! Pero hindi din nag work out he he he, I feel lonely although may mga friends ako, iba pa rin ung you have someone to lean on, Nabanggit ko ba na I've been leaving alone since elementary days... minsan may guardian minsan wala, siguro breaking point na din sakin yon, parang naramdaman ko yata na i want to have someone na who will be there for ME, akin lang, sa kanya ko ibubuhos lahat ng pagmamahal na kinikimkim ko, but wait hindi sya babae gusto ko lalake, he he he....
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